I'm working on several things for 2014. Perhaps it's cliche, but really the beginning of a new year is the perfect time to wipe the slate clean, and try and make some changes. One of the broad ideas that really encompasses many of my more specific, smaller goals, is the idea of using my time wisely and intentionally. You know...more time being productive, and less time farting around on my phone playing a dumb game, where before I know it 45 minutes have been frittered away. I've aimed to spend more time working on family projects, planning dinners, exercising, and less waste. And....definitely I want to spend more intentional time with God instead of time just spent with Him when I can happen to find room in my busy schedule, or when I frantically turn to him for an "immediate need" or concern.
I found a website called Crosswalk.com, and got myself signed up to receive daily e-mails of devotional readings. I was intentionally looking for some way to make exactly this scenario happen, and was excited that it was so easy to do! One of the first things I do each morning is to check my e-mail while I lie in bed. So now I receive an e-mail each morning from Crosswalk; and, each morning, there is a little immediate reminder to spend some time with God at the very beginning of my day. So far, I can truly and honestly say that I have spent intentional time with God each and every morning of 2014. The e-mails have ranged in topic, and length...but each one has spurred me into reflective thought...and most crucially, some dialogue with God, and prayer to start my day. So all of that is good. All of that is building in time with God, and developing our relationship - which is the ultimate goal with spending more time with Him. So with each of these little devotional times bringing me a step closer to God...they're all serving a good purpose...but man....today's really hit home on a topic that I have become really convicted on. That is so encouraging to me...when it seems to happen that God puts a person or reading or reminder somewhere in your life at a crucial moment. It was an "A-ha!" moment...an epiphany.....and a good kick in the be-hind.
I'll quote one of the most notable passages from today's devotional:
"At times we're quick-tempered and impatient and find it hard to live in harmony with others. We may have trouble letting go of attitudes of habits that hurt those around us-and occasionally we don't even want to. God knows our true character and has provided the Holy Spirit to transform us into Jesus' likeness. The Spirit opens our minds to understand and apply Scripture. He gives us the power to say no to ungodliness and to replace me-centered thinking with a Christ-centered viewpoint. He patiently produces His fruit in us, which includes love, joy and peace (Gal. 5:22-23). With His help, we can become peacemakers who work to bring about reconciliation between God and others (Matt. 5:9)."
Boom. Here's kind of how this part of the reading played out in my head as I was reading it. The bold parts in between the sentences were my own thoughts this morning:
"At times we're quick-tempered and impatient and find it hard to live in harmony with others. (At times? Yeah...try "a majority of the time..."....oh gosh.....I'm thinking of how I am with the kids....and this definitely applies there...it may apply there more than with anyone else in my life. I still don't understand why I show the people I love the most in my life, the LEAST amount of patience.) We may have trouble letting go of attitudes of habits that hurt those around us-and occasionally we don't even want to. (Pause....pause..................oh gosh that...yeah that could definitely be me.....are there things that I'm doing, that I know are wrong that I'm still intentionally doing? I do know of one...yes I totally know of a few. I think I'm harder on T sometimes, and I am usually aware of it....is it falling into that "don't even want to let go of it" category??! I can be hard on all the kiddos when things aren't going how I think they should.... *sad face*) God knows our true character (yeowch) and has provided the Holy Spirit to transform us into Jesus' likeness. (Praise God!) The Spirit opens our minds to understand and apply Scripture. (That is...if you're making time to read Scripture. Note to self...I have GOT to read more scripture. *sad face*) He gives us the power to say no to ungodliness and to replace me-centered thinking with a Christ-centered viewpoint. (Okay ... MASSIVE lights flashing, bells ringing...sirens going off.....this is it...it's the key. When it comes to my parenting....I have to aim for Christ-likeness, I really need to be thinking what would Jesus do, not what would I do. Why have I not put this together before?? It's always less of me, more of Christ...but I don't think I've honestly been thinking that way with regard to parenting?) He patiently (um THANK God) produces His fruit in us, which includes love, joy and peace (Gal. 5:22-23). With His help, we can become peacemakers who work to bring about reconciliation between God and others (Matt. 5:9)."
One would think...that someone who loves God, and understands the idea of being Jesus to the world...and strives for it (and fails at doing it, but continues to strive for it)......you'd think that this person would also be striving for the same when it comes to parenting their children. But honestly....I don't know that I have been. I truly WANT to encourage them to be thoughtful, patient, loving and hard-working. I want them to see others the way that Christ would, and to behave as Christ would.....but really I'm not modeling it myself. For example....I don't think that Jesus would have raised his voice at a child in frustration (because He felt seriously inconvenienced) because said child spilled something on accident....or couldn't get their arm through the sleeve of their coat because it was turned inside out. Or because this child may have gotten out of bed one more time for one more kiss instead of remaining in bed as they'd been instructed to do. Of course I'm not saying that my children will never do things that warrant discipline...but I personally feel that I really have been walking on the side of being too hard on them, and not encouraging enough. I think I've been more concerned with making sure they get done what they need to, in the quickest way possible and making sure they know about it when it wasn't done in the way I felt best.
As I re-read the last paragraph....I don't know that it is making complete sense. I obviously haven't made sense of it all yet. I think I'm still a bit lost on where I'm at with my parenting, but think that I need to make steps toward "more patient", "more forgiving", and "more loving". I know I will continue to seek out God's answers for how to be the parent He wants me to be for these kids that I love so much. I'd appreciate your prayer over it too!! :) And, I'll welcome any thoughts you'd like to share about any of your personal experiences.
~Mel
