Step by Step

These days, I step on the scale each morning to track weight loss progress.  This morning, as I stepped on, my mind stepped back in time.....first to January of 2012 when I "officially" decided to get back on the weight loss kick....but then past that....farther back....back to the end of 2009.....back when I was at my "worst".  Back to when I weighed 266 pounds.  Back to this Mel:

I glanced back down at this morning's number.....205.1....which means I'm almost to 32 pounds lost since January of 2012, but almost 62 pounds lost since I was at my heaviest.  And then I glanced in the mirror (you really have to do that when on the scale in our basement, because we have a rockin' 80's-style bathroom with mirrored closet doors there)....and..........I smiled.  I smiled at the beautiful woman God created me to be....the one who still has so far to go....but the one who has also worked at it, and come a long way already.  I'll be doin' a major happy dance the first day I get back under that 200 mark!  My goal weight is somewhere around 150....so I'm still looking to kiss 50 pounds goodbye and send them on their way.

This is me today: 

Okay, technically that was me on October 6th, but close enough.  :)  It makes me really happy to look at that picture.

So....why share all of this with anyone?  I have lots of reasons, but mostly, I share because I have been inspired and encouraged by SO many people along my path, and I want my life to do the same - even if for only one other person in one small way.  I think life should be all about encouraging everyone that you cross paths with, building people up, setting good examples, and using your time like the valuable commodity that it is.  Taking that a step further, I believe these things  because I believe it is what Jesus did, and would have each of us do - we read in 1 Thessalonians 5:11:  "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."  I want to be an encouragement, and I think the way to do that with regard to my weight struggle, is to be transparent about everything that I've been through, and what has worked to help me through the tougher parts of the journey.

Looking back to December of 2009.....it's hard to believe I was ever that big.  I certainly didn't feel that big....and I've never really felt "ugly".  In some ways I almost wish that I had felt more ugly, because it maybe would have spurred me on to healthier habits earlier than I was.  Mostly though, I have identified my beauty and worth far more with the ideas that I was created in God's image, and that your true beauty is more about who you are than what you look like.  As it says in 1 Peter 3:3-4 "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. ⁴ Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight."  Eventually though, it became glaringly apparent that I could not continue down the path I was on, no matter how much worth I still felt God placed in me.  :)

The weight gain was a gradual process, kick-started by my pregnancy with Gabriel.  But it was actually after giving birth that it really began.  Life was hectic, I was a new mom, also working outside of the home.  I ate out too often.  And there's a double-whammy there because most of the time restaurant food is not as good for you, and they serve it in portions that are too large.  I exercised too little.  I didn't notice it happening at first, but by Gabe's first birthday.......I noticed.....and I had decided to do something about it.  Let me say this....when you're 266 pounds, exercise is not easy.  I could do very little to exercise.  So, I started a food diary at myfooddiary.com, and I monitored what I ate.  I went from 266 down to about 236 with ONLY monitoring my food intake and not doing too much more than occasional walks and things like gardening, etc. as my exercise.  The food diary is great because it tracks more than calories, and you really get a clear picture of just how much fat, salt, etc. that you are eating as well.  I was happy with my progress.  My goal at that time was to lose more weight, a significant amount, before trying to become pregnant again.....but in late summer of 2010, I became pregnant with our little Lo!  I remember feeling devastated at the news because of what I thought it meant for my weightloss and health goals.  When you're on a roll though.....it's easy to stay on it if you can make up your mind to, and that's what I did.  I was determined to gain as little weight as possible during the pregnancy - and I DID it!  I weighed myself the day that I came home from the hospital after giving birth to Lo, and what did I see, but 236 pounds.  I managed to end up right where I had begun the pregnancy.  This was SO encouraging to me and last fall I vowed to try and keep the weightloss momentum going.  I maintained my weight all last fall, but was not really losing much, so I made a decision in January of 2012 that I was going to get serious about it.  And since January, I've now gone from 236 to 205 (almost 204!). :)

Here comes the encouragement part.  ;)  These are all things that I've learned, and that have worked for me.  If you're trying to lose weight I hope you will read these thoughts and take them and adapt them for what will work for you, because that's what I did....I took what I saw others doing and applied it to me, and my available time, and my food desires and diet needs, etc.  Also, probably none of these ideas are "new", some of them are even in the "well duh of course" category......but I know that you can hear something 5 times, or 20 times, and for some reason on that last time is when it hits you in the way that it needs to hit you to give you the jump start that you need.  So I'm sharing them now:

1.  Set small goals, and meeting these will get you closer to your large goal step-by-step.  Sometimes my goals are VERY small....like this morning, I told myself I was eating the food I had here at the office and not going out to lunch.  Small goal...and I accomplished it.  Last night my goal was to run 4 miles, and I did it.  But within that run, I had even smaller goals, such as:  "I'm going to keep running until I reach that next white mailbox."  My small goals a year ago were to even make it out the door to exercise....or to make it even half of my exercise time with actual running.  Make a goal each day, and accomplish it!!  This small goal mentality is one of the biggest reasons I continue to make strides toward my overall weight and health goals.

2.  Pray.  My prayers keep me focused on the things I'm thankful for, and the things I need to work on.  Both of those ideas are huge throughout this weightloss journey, so focusing on them in this way keeps me driven and motivated....and thankful for progress!

3.  Allow freedom.  There is no way that one can adhere to strict diet and exercise goals 24/7 - at least I sure can't!  This weightloss process has maybe been slower for me than it could have been.  But, for me, slow and steady is better than completely derailing and abandoning my goals because I can't stick to them 24/7.  I know I have gone weeks at a time where I maintained weight or only lost a pound over several weeks because I allowed myself more freedom for a vacation, etc.  Totally worth the motivation to stick to overall goals! 

4.  Eat at home when you can/bring food from home when you can.  You will most likely eat things that are better for you, and you will eat less than if you go out.

5.  If you eat out, go to the restaurant's website ahead of time and try and make your decision based on nutritional value.  Almost all restaurants have this information readily available on their websites, and a lot of times the information is mind-blowing - you would not believe how many calories are in some of your favorite restaurant dishes.   

6.  Shop as much as you can from the perimeter of the grocery store.  The foods there are the less processed ones, and are better for you. 

7.  Exercise.  Try and do at least a little activity every day - even if it's just raking leaves for 20 minutes or going for a 20 minute walk.  I find that doing a little activity helps me to want to eat better/less (because I don't want to ruin the effort I put in to whatever activity I've done).  And then when I make good decisions about exercise on one day, it tends to snowball into many days' worth of good activity decisions.  :)

8.  Bulk up your meals with vegetables.  This is decidedly easier for those of us that enjoy vegetables, but worth a try for anyone.  :)  Frequently for lunch at work, I eat a bowl of soup, or a frozen dinner, or leftover casserole from home, etc.  And to bulk up the amount of food I'm eating without bulking up too much on the calories, I add frozen veggies.  I keep bags of frozen veggies handy, and add a half cup to a cup to almost all of my meals - sometimes on the side, or sometimes mixed in (peas mixed in with lasagna....mixed veggies in my soup, etc.)  It really helps fill me up, while adding maybe 50 or less calores. 

That's all I can think of right now for my little list.  All of these thoughts have become really ingrained, and just a part of the normal way I process decisions about grocery shopping, making meals, what foods I'm trying to have my kids eat, choices I make when dining out, and the how/when/where/why of my exercise routines.  Succinctly stated.....I've accomplished a shift in my lifestyle.  If I had a number nine, that's what it'd be:  9.  It's a change in lifestyle (not a diet)!

Finally, I hear and learn more each week about the direct correlations between diet, exercise, and obesity and a range of health issues.  This range of issues includes everything from diabetes to cancer.  The healthcare industry has turned into such a HUGE industry....I know there are at least millions of dollars being spent producing and paying for all kinds of medications for all kinds of things that could be controlled with our diet.  With the healthcare crisis that is going on in our country, I can't help but want to plead the case for good eating, and good amounts of exercise to each and every person.  So much can be taken care of, avoided, or made better with proper diet and exercise.  I feel so strongly about that, and I'm doing my best to keep myself and my family in better health for the future.  I'm slowly working my way there, keeping myself on track by focusing on one decision at a time, and letting the positive progress that I see and feel keep me motivated!!  We can all do the same.  :)

Oh, and if you want to get together for a run/walk/jog....shoot me a message.  I love company for these sorts of things.  :)

Shawn

Confucius is attributed as saying, "A superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions."  This is Shawn.  Through everything I've heard about him growing up, and in all the ways that I get to watch and interact with him now....this is Shawn.  He's not the guy commanding the attention of the entire room with his flowery speech.  He's the one who quietly goes about doing what he knows he has to, and what he wants to, and the one who'll do it every time. 

He is the son, the brother - the little guy who grew up in the 70's and 80's who possibly spent some time terrorizing his older sister and spent a vast majority of his time playing with Star Wars toys and GI Joes. 

He's a musician.  Yeah, we'll stretch it and call him that even though he's mainly just a percussionist - he can also get by on a piano and guitar,and have you ever heard him sing?!  He's a soldier.  He's a video and computer game playin' guy who loves his Chiefs and KU.  And he's good at these things.  He's talented.  He's smart (I mean, aside from picking the Chiefs as his team).  He's fun to hang out with - we love our poker nights, our game nights.  And he's there with his often quiet personality to interject his bits of humor and wit at the right times.  I think he's so funny.

And these days, he's my husband ... a great man ... a great father.  And, it's here where I'll focus my attention, because these are the areas in which I believe he really, really shines, and where I see him on a daily basis.

I love our story - Shawn's and mine.  We've been friends for many years now, as we met when we were both in school at Washburn University.  I know there was a time way back then when I would have dated him, and possibly wanted to - perhaps there was a time way back then when he felt the same about me.  But as life goes...it's all about timing.  So back then, it was about the friendship - well, and let's face it, it was also about the studying....the band trips and game nights....marching band, even some choir.    Then there was even a time several months after I graduated college where we had some conversations and even one date.  I consider it our first, even though it was an isolated incident.  It involved dinner and then watching a movie together - a version of Rocky Horror Picture Show put on by a bunch of our friends at Washburn.  I also would like to note for the record that I wasn't even lucky enough to get a small little kiss on this date.  :)  And then in the months after that it definitely went back to just the friendship level.  And then in the months after that....I got invited to a wedding....Shawn's.  I went to his wedding.  The thought of this still blows my mind....:)  And then sadly after that, Shawn went through some tough, tough times, with a divorce, and fighting for Tessaira, and dealing with custody issues.  I hope that he never has to go through anything so tough again.  And yet, through all of this, I truly believe that God was aligning our lives, and our hearts, and working in both of us.....working out the timing in His perfect way, in the way that only He can.  I firmly believe that through the years of our friendship, and through all of the events that took place....that this was the only way we'd end up who we were supposed to be, and when we were supposed to be it, and where we were supposed to be......and what led us to each other and our marriage.

Fast forward to 2005...late spring...early summer....I'm not sure when we officially started the dating process, but the important thing is, it was begun at some point around there.  ;)  Things progressed fairly quickly from there.  I was in love with the man he'd become.  I always enjoyed him in college - he was an attractive guy - funny, cool, talented.  But there was another level to him now.  He was a father.  And to just be witness to the way he fought for Tessaira, the level of dedication he showed to this life role...and especially to just see them together - it was heart-melting.  It showed a side of Shawn to me that I had not known before now, and it honestly is one of the big reasons why I fell in love with him.  As our months together progressed, and we spent more time together, it also became very apparent how important family was in general to him.  We visited his family frequently, and he was very interested in hanging out with mine; my family had always been very close and this was right up my alley.  Combine all of his prior good qualities with these new ones I was seeing....and add to that a bunch of common interests, and the fact that we had a lot of things in common and had a great time together..........

We were engaged by Fall of 2005....married by June 10, 2006!! 

We've had a great marriage - by no means perfect, as a marriage is between two people who are far from perfect themselves.  :)  I'm so thankful to have him as my life partner - in so many ways he completes me and balances me.  He's the calm to my intense, and the "go-with-the-flow" to my "planniness".  He works hard to provide for us - he has done so much to keep furthering his military career, always trying to work at promotions, and additional training.  And yet, he recognizes the value of being home, and with us....and he's there.  I love him for him, all of what he does for us, and the way he makes me feel.  And, I really love him for the father that he is to our kids.

Just look at those pictures.  He's right there; he's encouraging.  He's hands on...he's proud...he supports them.  He's a lot of what my dad was to me, and what I've prayed for, for my children.  Most important to me though, is that he loves God in his own quiet way, he treats people as such....he lives his life as such....and he will be a constant example of this for them.  They're so lucky to have him there as one of their biggest fans, and I'm going to make sure they spend their lives knowing it.

Shawn, today on your birthday...I celebrate all of these things about you that I have mentioned, and the plenty more that I have not.  Not a day goes by that I don't just fall down in front of God (sometimes literally, and sometimes figuratively), thanking Him for you.  I just want you to know how much you're loved, and how much you mean to all of us, especially your family. 

Happy birthday, babe!  (Man, you're getting old.)  :)

Hot Fudge Sundae Pop Tarts

I had a sweet little dose of reality today.  Literally, it was sweet.  It came in the form of a Hot Fudge Sundae Pop Tart.

So, rewind a few weeks with me.  I brought T and G with me to the commissary to do a massive stock-up trip for our pantry and freezers at home.  I'd already dodged a few "Oh Mom, can we please get this?!" moments, and we were now on the breakfast foods aisle.  This is a particularly tricky aisle to navigate with kids, I've found.  They view lots of the granola bars, fruit snacks and other items as "must haves."  I plopped a box of strawberry pop tarts in the basket and proceeded down the aisle toward the fruit snacks....and from behind me I hear T exclaim "oh I love these, these are my favorite!"  I allowed myself a slight eye roll before I turned around.  The excitement was all over her face, and in her hands rested a box of Hot Fudge Sundae Pop Tarts.

In my mind, there was overwhelming evidence against the practicality of buying such an item (not to mention the fact that I personally just don't really enjoy chocolate that much - I know, the blasphemy!), and I let her know this.  The excitement soon left her face.  And as I stood there explaining away that you really shouldn't eat chocolate for breakfast, and that those were indeed not very good for you, and that we didn't need three kinds of pop tarts in our home....something paused me.  Maybe it was the tone of my own voice.  I grabbed several pop tarts boxes, and I compared the nutritional information; lo and behold, the nutritional information on the boxes of the three varieties that I chose was nearly identical.  (Apparently the "fruit" in the strawberry variety isn't enough to matter, or the chocolate in the hot fudge sundae variety isn't enough to make it that bad for you.)  I ended up grabbing a box of the hot fudge sundae variety as well, and nestled it in next to the Strawberry.  We don't eat pop tarts every morning anyway - I know they're not the number one choice for a healthy breakfast, and since the varieties are similar anyway, might as well add it in to the mix of choices on the days we do have pop tarts.

If you know me at all, you probably are aware that I'm a thinker.  My mind is rarely at rest, and this instance was no exception.  I immediately started drawing parallels between this experience and others similar to it.  I was basically rushing to judgment; I was basically certain that what I thought was correct and true, when really I could have learned something if I was open to it.  Also, I don't know if I'd consider calling my treatment of Tessaira "harsh", but I wasn't really being thoughtful and gentle either.  I was pretty convinced that I knew what was best and was prepared to let her know it.  These are things that I'm aware of about myself, but not always able to snap out of when I'm doing them.  Somehow today I not only was aware, but was able to humble myself and snap out of it.

I can't help but think, that if we all were a little slower to speak, a little quicker to consider another point of view...and to listen........well, I believe that'd make this world a little better.  It made my world a little better that Saturday.  And, it made Tessaira's a little better.

Especially with all the hot topics swirling around these days.  Especially as we move full-swing into the political season.....I hope we'll all put aside what we think we already know, and take some time to listen and consider something new.  Had I not on that Saturday, I'd have no idea just how flippin' delicious hot fudge sundae pop tarts really are.  And now...back to my snack.  :)

A "ditty" about my Diddy

I'm not sure how or when we started calling Dad, "Diddy."  Maybe it had something to do with the Donkey Kong characters for the Nintendo games - you know Diddy, the wannabe nephew of Donkey Kong?  But then again, if it were up to my dad, he certainly wouldn't want to be associated with Donkey Kong (the bane of his existence when it comes to being cut off in Mario Kart racing....Donkey Kong is always to blame.)  I can't remember how, but all of my family's nicknames have evolved into others over the years and his was no exception.  It suits him - it's playful like he is.

His playful, and downright jovial demeanor is one of his best qualities - he's so friendly, in fact, that it's nearly impossible to walk into an establishment (even outside the city of Topeka, it seems) where he isn't running into someone he knows, or that remembers him from his umpiring days, or another prior activity he was involved in.  But there's far more to him than his "boy they'll let anyone in here!!" jokey nature. 

He's a highly intelligent man - have you ever challenged him in Trivial Pursuit?  Yeah, better to be the teammate than the opponent.  The man completed a degree in Chemistry, and then later returned to school and completed a degree in Accounting.  He actually enjoys doing income taxes.  I know.  The smarts always came in handy when helping with homework, though.  Goodness, I remember one particular instance....8th grade Math...Ms. Jordan....it was an extra credit problem that we worked on together.  (Stated another way, we worked on it "together" for about 20 minutes, and then he worked on it for 40 minutes only to discover something ridiculous like you had to buy another barrel of oil because the problem couldn't be worked out the way it was written - it was impossible to solve.)  Yes, many an evening of homework was made more successful with his tutelage.  

My favorite "quality" of his though, is that he's my Dad.  I know that's not really a quality, but work with me here.  It's in his role as "dad" that I believe Max Foster really shines - it brings out the best in him.

He can be impatient - perhaps this is where I inherited or learned it myself.  He's been known to lose his cool.  ;)  BUT, I would challenge anyone who tried to say they know of a better father than my dad.  My dad (together with my mom) raised a loving, tight-knit family - no easy feat.  He taught us about love....dedication...hard work....and yes, discipline too.....by talking about it, but mostly by modeling these things.  He is the head of our family.  He worked tirelessly to provide for us - sometimes as many as four jobs in a year if you included our second family job at the animal hospital, AND doing income taxes, AND umpiring.  He did this so my mom could stay home with us instead of working; it was how they wanted to raise us, and they did it.  I really can look back now and value the time we spent working together as a family - we all went to the animal hospital together, three or four times per week - so even as a child, I understood what it was to have a job, to experience it, to have to go even when you didn't feel like working.  I just grew up knowing what that was like, and I'm thankful for it.  At the time, I probably would have told you I'd have rather be playing, but now, I don't know if I would trade the lesson it taught me.

The love and discipline went hand in hand.  My dad....well, I don't know if he ruled with an iron fist...but let's just say my sisters and I all had a healthy respect for him!  We just knew that what he said was final, we didn't argue or protest (too much)....and yet we knew just how much he loved us.  He never took it too far either....although one time I thought he was going to.  The moment stands out in my mind as clearly as if it happened yesterday.  He'd had enough of Megan standing up at the dinner table, and he'd told her several times to have a seat.  So finally, he silently shoves his chair back from the table...and marches back to his bedroom.  Uh-oh.  This was at our new house, so I was at least in middle school, and at that dining room table, my seat had a view straight down the hall, so I could see what he was doing.  The light to the room flipped on, then back off, and around the corner he came, belt in hand.  He came marching back to the table...and I literally started praying for Megan.  I remember thinking "oh my gosh he's actually going to spank her with a belt??!!".  He silently entered the kitchen (meanwhile all of us were sitting there in shock - I think even my mom, but I didn't look at her because my eyes were glued on him), and then he situated Megs in her chair, then looped the belt through the rungs in the back of the chair and strapped her to it.  It quickly became a moment where I was stifling laughter, but the point was brought home.  That's how I remember my dad - he was tough, but not too tough.  He was just tough enough.

There were far more hillarious and loving moments than there ever were "oh we're in trouble" ones, anyway.  Like....the little round "hickey" he gave himself, right smack-dab in the middle of his forehead with the little suction cup rocking horse high chair tray toy.  He stuck that thing on his forehead and we just thought it was the best thing ever...until it got stuck.  I'll bet that was embarassing...I wonder how long the hickey was there?  Or the countless times (literally countless) that he called us by the wrong name.  He'd go down the list...."Meliss....Mich...Meg......OH YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, GET OUT HERE!" when he was trying to get to the one of us that needed the discipline at that moment.  He was the first-ever dad who Beverly Bernardi drug out to do a "dad dance" during the Jerry Lewis telethon...and he did it, by himself, and he was a good sport about it.  It became a thing after that for the dads to dance as a little spirit booster for the event.  :)  I remember trying out in elementary school to be one of the children in Topeka High School's production of the King and I - I could sing and I thought I had a great shot at the part and so did my music teacher.  But I got a call after the audition, that I did not get the part because I didn't look the part.  It's truly a time that I experienced just utter heartbreak in my life, and I remember just sitting and crying on my Daddy's lap...and he just held me and held me while I cried.  Again, I remember that like it was yesterday - the feelings I experienced in that moment must have been really profound for it to stick out so clearly to me.  I remember my dad, on the driveway with me...every...single...morning of seventh grade.  I was out there waiting for the bus, and while I waited, I practiced my volleyball serves.  I couldn't overhand serve the ball to save my life in 7th grade, but somehow still made the team.  I had such a drive to master that skill, and my dad was out there with me every morning before he left for work.  Every.  Morning.  I remember coming back in 8th grade, and I could serve it then, and my coach being so impressed with the improvement.

I could go on and on about these things.....he loved his music and raised us on Fleetwood Mac, and the Doors, and The Eagles, and Heart and the Rolling Stones.  He coached hundreds of softball games, got nominated as the coach of the year more times than I can remember.  And he coached the teams in a way that everyone got fair playing time, and felt like an amazing part of the team, and he still made them successful teams.  He drove thousands of miles - for a few family vacations, but more-so to visit family, to take us to volleyball games, back and forth to church...and school events.

He's always been Max....a son...a brother.  Their childhood was maybe less than ideal - divorce situations are never easy.  But ..... he came through it a strong, and loving man.  And, he and his brothers are still a hoot when you get them together these days.

Then he became a husband.  I'm sure mom could sing his praises as a husband better than I could.  :)

And now.....man...now.  Now he's Grandpa - and that has been a beautiful chapter of his life to watch unfold.  He gets almost giddy around the kids, and they love him.  I'm glad for my kids, and glad for my dad that we live so close and they can be such an integral part of each others' lives.  The bond they share is SO special!

   

All I'm really trying to say is......Thank you Dad.  You've given so much to all of us through your 61 years, and I just want to take a moment on your birthday and recognize you for the wonderful things you are, and the many things you've done for all of us who know and love you!

In closing....I'd like to leave you with a little song:

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Happy birthday!!!!!

Megs

Megan.  My baby sister.  I've known her for 29 years now.  29 years of beautiful memories - lots of laughter, movie lines, dancing, softball playing, game-playing, family-time spending.....with some occasional tears, heartache, biting, fighting and mix-ups.  (And with the biting, I'm not referring to what I did to Meesh on the day she came home from the hospital, but to little miss bitey-pants herself....Megan...the one who would follow you around chomping her teeth threateningly.  Fortunately that phase didn't last too long.)  For any of those less than pristine moments (the "bitey" and "fightey" mentioned above) there are more than enough beautiful moments to make up for them. Our childhood was the classic "we wouldn't trade a moment of it" situation.  And in a lot of ways we have the "classic" birth order roles and traits - Mel as the oldest, Meesh as the middle, and Megs as the baby.  Each of us unique, and yet somehow so closely interwoven.  It's been 29 years, and we still confide in each other about everything, and spend and enjoy probably more time together than a lot of other families do.  As I said when I wrote about Meesh on her birthday - it's an amazingly close bond that I share with these ladies that I call my sisters.

Perhaps with Megan and I, even though we are totally close now .... we didn't start out as close as Meesh and I maybe did.  Meesh and I shared the room, even the bed (for a while), were closer in age, shared some school together.  Megan and I had the four years of separation, and just maybe didn't have as much in common for the first part of our lives - the age difference of course got less and less significant as we grew up.  There's just a bigger difference in 4 and newborn....and 8 and 4 than there is between 33 and 29.  I kind-of remember "mothering" her more than I do with Meesh.....I choose to refer to it as mothering, but maybe she remembers it as bossing?  :) 

However, even with this greater age gap....that element of family, of sharing everything....that was still present.  There was no excluding in our home...and when we played, we PLAYED.  I loved the hours we spent playing house....school...barbies.....turning our Little Tikes teeter totter on its side and thus into a spaceship....or playing boat.  Man, boat was the best.  We sat on the double bed (aka, the boat) and threw EVERY last stuffed animal we had into the "ocean", which was everything surrounding the boat.  (Looking back, this would have been ideal if we could have played the game in the room with the blue shag carpet....how perfect would that have been as "ocean water"?  Oh well, we made-do with the red shag.)  And we used this crusty, yellow, plastic baseball bat to fish each animal out and nurse them back to health with our doctor's kit.  Occasionally one of the doctors would fall in too, and had to be fished out.  That was tough work.  I see elements of this kind of play, of this kind of creativity, the element of "pretend" in children these days...but it just doesn't feel quite the same as it did back then.

It was always the three of us....three peas in a pod.

Oh!  And...while I have this public audience....I'd just like to note one more point while I'm on the topic of play.  If Megan ever tries to tell you that out of our three Rainbow Brite dolls, Patty O'Green was hers...please remind her that no...hers was in fact Shy Violet.  Megan, here's a picture of the dolls to refresh your memory.  Yours. was. Shy. Violet.  :) :)  (Sorry, inside joke.)



I could go on and on about the memories....the night my parents left us home to go to sleep while they worked their second job, to return to the three of us having a grand ol' bed jumping party (still wish we'd have thought about the fact that in our old house, walking through the front door gave you a straight-line view into our bedroom - would have been nice to have not been caught mid-jump when they walked through the door).  Making scavenger hunts for each other....hundreds of softball games....ski trips.  Again I'm so, SO thankful for every single moment!

Softball days.

Ski trip!

I'm sure Megan remembers all of these things, and savors them the way I do.  I know the way we were raised and the experiences we shared have made us all who we are today ... and who Megan is today is something to praise and celebrate.  She will always be the baby of the family, but she is so much more than that.

She is a woman....a daughter....a sister.  In recent years she has become an aunt, and a wife....a pharmacist.

A beautiful moment at a beautiful wedding.

She is a beautiful and talented lady - someone who has excelled at much of what she's tried her hand at, whether that be dance, trumpet, volleyball, javelin, or academics.  She is an organizer, and she takes so much care in everything that she does.  You can especially see this in how she cares for her pharmacy patients - she really goes the extra mile for them, and it amazes me....just the sheer effort she puts into making sure things are done the correct way.

In May she moved to Salina - she and her husband Kynan are beginning a new chapter of their lives there.  She is now a pharmacy manager for the Dillon's pharmacy in Salina.  I'm happy for them, and excited what the future holds for them, but we miss her terribly.  I'm used to having her close by enough that I still got to see her on an occasional weeknight, and at least a couple of weekends per month.  Now that time has shrunk to maybe one weekend per month.  But we are adjusting - Tessaira, Gabe and Lauren still pick right up with Aunt Megan when they see her.  It is evident how much she loves them, and how much they love their Aunt Megan.  It just makes our times that we do spend together, that much more special.  She has a special energy about her.  She and Aunt Michelle jokingly banter about who is the "cool Aunt", but the reality is they are both amazing.  :)

Aunt Megan with Lo, Decmeber 2011 at Fogo de Chao on the Plaza!

Aunt Megan, Grandma, Gabe and Tessaira at the Discovery Center in Topeka.

Megan - keep shining your beautiful light for all to see.  Your love of God shines through in the way you approach every aspect of your life:  your hard work, your patient care, the way you treat others, the friend that you are to so many, and your positive attitude.  You're going to make a great mom someday!  You mean so much to so many people, especially to your family.  I LOVE YOU, and wish you a very happy birthday!!

 

 

Mel - version 08/10/2012

Well....today's been a day - and it's only the afternoon!  Kinda like a roller coaster day - I've been swinging back and forth between highs and lows.  And fortunately, the highs haven't been too high, and the lows haven't been too low - but my mind is still aflurry.

Today's lessons and realizations:
1.  The rules really do apply to me.  I think a lot of times as adults, we get used to letting deadlines slip - everyone does it and everyone seems to forgive it for the most part because a day or two either way doesn't matter.  Well today, I lost membership in a little peer group I was in on Facebook because I let a deadline slip, and the management there is holding strong on their commitment to the rules.  Good for them - that's not something you come across too much these days - everything seems forgiveable and flexible.  I think we can get to a point where we're coasting through life, not actually drawing hard boundaries for ourselves, not making ourselves really stick to things and follow through, when really we should be.  All good things to think about.  Teachable moment there.
2.  I still need to continue to think before I speak, and listen more than I speak.  Today I actually was able to walk away from a situation that perhaps in the past would have escalated to an argument, because I decided to opt for silence instead of lashing back at someone verbally.  Positive moment for me there.
3.  It makes me feel loved/needed/important when my husband asks me to help him review his stuff for his classes.  Another positive moment for me there.
4. I love spending time with my fam more than anything, and I'm really looking forward to a WOF trip this fall.  Yet another positive moment for me for today!
5.  Sliiightly less than 1/3 of a cup is the perfect amount of hot water to add to your instant oatmeal packet.  Silly to include this here, perhaps.  But when my oatmeal turned out perfect this morning, I can't help but notice that it did make my morning that much better - so I'll include it as another positive - AND on the off chance that for someone else this will turn out to be the perfect amount of water for their desired oatmeal consistency.
6.  I am looking forward to this weekend more than any in the past months due to the lack of plans, and the gorgeous weather (80s in August, get out!!!)...and I really wish Shawn were going to be home to share it with us.  :(  Seriously can't WAIT to get my kids in a couple hours.
7.  I am getting frustrated with the lack of weight loss in the past several weeks, even with the continued food monitoring and exercise I haven't been able to lose any.  Maybe I need to amp up the exercise a notch.  I don't feel burned out, like I'm not trying, but perhaps that is subconsciously what is going on - must try and kick it up a notch!
8.  I'm spending a lot of time laying plans, and thinking about what I want to do, and getting off track with keeping my focus on Him.  Realizing this is always a good teachable moment for me.
9.  I'm striving for patience, humility, kindness, self-control, action instead of laziness, focus on God instead of focus on Me, and a general attitude of love and respect toward every person my life touches.


I'm going to be praying over these verses in Proverbs 19:
15 Laziness brings on deep sleep,
    and the shiftless go hungry.
16 Whoever keeps commandments keeps their life,
    but whoever shows contempt for their ways will die.
17 Whoever is kind to the poor lends to the Lord,
    and he will reward them for what they have done.
18 Discipline your children, for in that there is hope;
    do not be a willing party to their death.
19 A hot-tempered person must pay the penalty;
    rescue them, and you will have to do it again.
20 Listen to advice and accept discipline,
    and at the end you will be counted among the wise.
21 Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
    but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.
22 What a person desires is unfailing love[b];
    better to be poor than a liar.
23 The fear of the Lord leads to life;
    then one rests content, untouched by trouble.

Let's do it!

Problem-solving 101

Sheesh.  Do I have a lot of problems.  :)  No that's a statement, not a question - I already know the answer. 

I try hard.  Man, do I try hard.  But I still fail miserably.  And, the kind of failure I'm talking about has to do with "walking the walk" of my faith.  I want all of these beautiful things for my family, my marriage....I want people to see God's love when they see me...when they see my kids.  But how does that ol' saying go....something about the spirit being willing..........but.......................

My flesh is WEAK.  It becomes painfully obvious when you have children - you want so much for them and from them.  You set the expectational bar so high.  It's so easy to notice and correct the flaws in others...not so easy to recognize them in yourself.  Or maybe it's actually easy to spot them....it's just that we have to take the time to step back and look.  When I'm in the middle of raising my voice at Gabriel to please be patient about something (thus exhibiting a beautiful display of my own impatience) I wouldn't even have to step that far back.  

Starting now, I'm stepping back and taking a good look.  But more than that....after I look, I need to correct.  Or let's start by saying "try or strive to correct."  I doubt.  I worry.  I'm impatient.  I raise my voice far too often to my children.  I am...what is the opposite of gentle.....whatever it is, I'm it.  I'm vain.  Or, I don't know if vain is the right term....but I'm whatever it is when you think your ideas are good ones and leave little room for others' thoughts...controlling maybe?  I'm all about my own thoughts and plans for my family and leave little room for asking God what HIS plans are for us.  I can be judgmental.  I spend too much time taking care of the stuff of life (which does have to be taken care of, don't get me wrong) and not enough time seeking Him out....which leads me to the point.

All of these realizations....these problems.....they can only be corrected in two steps (two steps that must be done together).  And those are: one, pray about what God would have for my life and my family, and two, to spend a considerably larger portion of my time reading the instruction manual that has been laid out for how we go about fixing these problems....and that is the Bible.

I've gone through phases of my life where I was in the Bible a lot....or reading books based on Biblical teaching....times where I felt close to God and in tune with the where/how/and why of my life's direction.  But to be perfectly honest, I'm much more in tune now with picking up children, folding laundry while I watch TV shows, or juggling the other dozens of tasks any working parent does on a daily basis.

I don't yet have a plan for exactly how and when I will incorporate more of both of these things.  But I do know that it will involve taking a moment, putting down all the items that I'm juggling, picking up the prayer time "ball", and the Bible time "ball" and then gradually adding all the others back in to the flow.  They just have to be sought for first, and have everything else then worked in.  Unless you prioritize them, they are way too easily moved to the back burner...the burner that doesn't often enough get used. 

I started at lunch today - I simply did a search for "women's online devotional" and came across the following:

http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/encouragement/

It always amazes me....just the sheer billiance of His timing.....when I'm consciously paying attention and trying to more willingly seek Him out.  This devotional nicely covers the majority of the things that I seek to change...the majority of the things that I want to be as a Godly woman.  And this little gem just happened to be the daily devotional for today, and I just happened to finally decide to "get with it" with these notions today....and isn't it just amazing how that all timed out?  Yeah, it's not a coincidence  :)  Here is an excerpt:

His Word tells me exactly how He wants me to respond with my speech. My words should be:

Edifying:
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)

Gentle:
"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)

Self-controlled:
"A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." Proverbs 29:11 (NIV 1984)

Compassionate:
"Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you." Ephesians 4:32 (NLT)

This can so hard to do on our own! Yet God enables us to walk in obedience to these scriptures through the power of His Holy Spirit. He will mold us and make us more like Him. And on those days when we feel as if there is no way we can speak kindly to others, let's remember His Word says we can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us (Phil. 4:13).

When we quiet our hearts. When we open His Word instead of just opening our mouths. When we approach Him with a heart of surrender. When we choose to submit to His ways instead of our own ....

That is when God will do His work and help us tame our tongue. And the next time we find ourselves asking, "Did I really just say that?" I'm praying it will be because we responded with patience, kindness and gentleness that is evidence of His work in us.

Almighty God....you created me...you know my actions....and you see my thoughts and intentions.  You know that I love you.  You know I wish that I could live in a way that would make the entire world fall in love with you.  You also know that I am not able to accomplish this, especially not with the amount of time I have been putting in to prayer and reading recently.  Over the next days and months, I pray that you would direct my thoughts to you, put people in my path who will remind me of what I seek to do, please encourage others to pray for me in these endeavors, and help me just draw close to You.  I have not been, but seek to be a patient, gentle, servant-hearted example of Your love - let these goals be constantly in my mind and heart so I can step toward them each day.  It is only by the sacrifice of Jesus that I can even be forgiven and start over, and I am so, SO thankful for that.  I pray these things in Jesus's name.  Amen. 

Lauren at a Year!

Whew - time she is a flyin'!  How is our little Lauren already over one year old?!  I was going to be super mom, and have this sweet and meaningful blog entry written to post on Lo's first birthday in honor of the occasion - yeah that did not happen.  At that point of my life, I was up to my armpits in children's clothing, suitcases, and sunblock as we packed for our Branson vacation - a trip well worth any packing efforts! 

I think it's a pretty standard feeling that time speeds up as you get older, and maybe also just as standardly recognized, that then once you have children, said speed increases exponentially.  It really doesn't seem like all that long ago when I first realized I was pregnant with Lauren (although now, it's been a year and 9 months).  I recall being downstairs - it was later in the evening and Gabe was in bed.  Shawn and I were playing on our computers - and I suddenly had a serious urge to make some fried potatoes.  So, I did - I marched upstairs and sliced up some potatoes and then proceeded to eat the entire batch that I made.  As I was back downstairs, munching away....it hit me.  "Oh my gosh....I'm pregnant."  Never in my life (except maybe when I was pregnant with Gabe) have I done something like fry up a skillet of potatoes and proceed to eat the entire thing.  I took a test soon after....and it was confirmed - our second child was on the way!

I remember the swirling thoughts....."but, no....no I can't be pregnant - I have not lost all the weight and gotten in the shape I wanted to be in before getting pregnant again,"....."no...no I can't be yet...we haven't moved to a bigger house so we can have a room for each kid...how are we going to fit everyone...and oh my gosh, daycare...I wanted to be in a better position financially before our next child...." and on and on.  But as it goes....my best-laid plans and thoughts and intentions were set aside as we instead (and once again) followed God's path for us, and submitted to His perfect timing for our lives...Lauren was coming...and she'd be here in 9 months. 

As the pregnancy progressed, my worries about the timing were quickly brushed aside.  We heard her tiny little hearbeat.....got our first glimpse at her sweet little profile...and once again wondered at the sheer miracle that it is to grow a new life.

I also gave serious thanks that my pregnancy with Lauren was night-and-day different than that with Gabriel - this was one smooth, and illness-free pregnancy!  I guess it was a preview of what was to come, a bit of foreshadowing if you will, because Lauren's first year was also one of smooth sailing.

She was "due" to arrive on May 25th.  I had my last appointment with Denise, my midwife, on May 24th, and that was enough to start the ball rolling.  I did drive to work after that appointment, but had to leave by Noon when the contractions were about five minutes apart.  Lauren graced us with her presence at 5:49 that evening.  Being the seasoned parents that we were (insert winky face here) .... that might have played a part in just how we perceived everything about Lauren's arrival.  With Gabriel I felt clueless...anxious...okay, really borderline terrified.  But with Lauren we knew more of what to expect, and everything just seemed easier.  It's hard to say how much of that was Lauren just actually being easier...and how much of it may have been our perception.  There was very little crying - hardly a peep when she had to get her heel pricked for bloodwork in the hospital.  Lauren slept longer chunks of time from the very beginning, and was happier in between the times of sleep as well.  She was a sweet and happy baby from the very beginning.

I remember just being ready to be home....ready to be a family.  We've never been shy to just jump right in there and carry on with our normal, daily lives and just include the babies in what we do.  We went to church that first Sunday, just five days after Lo was born.  The next day, Monday, we traveled to Wichita to visit family and friends with her, and she's always been just a little trooper.  I always said that it was such a fun time to be on maternity leave with her because Tessaira was home for the summer, and the kids and I had a couple of months full of outings to the new Discovery Center in Topeka, the Zoo, the pool, and so on.  We made the absolute most of that time together!!  Here she is at the Zoo with Daddy, playing at the Discovery Center with T, and hangin' at home with big brother, Gabe.  :)



Lauren's always been in the upper percentiles for her size, both height and weight.  And, I don't know if it's because of the size, or what exactly, but she has always been so strong!  She rolled over (from tummy to back) before she was even one full month old!

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I remember going to her one-month appointment, and telling the story of how Lauren had already rolled over to Dr. Pridgett - she said we were in trouble and agreed she was so strong (as she struggled to straighten her leg to check her hip flexibility).  Lauren's always reached those physical milestones (holding her head up, crawling, pulling up, and even walking) all a bit on the early side.  We had to start chasing after her at about 10 1/2 months old when she really began toddling around.  The first year is just chock-full of those milestones - different for each child ..... and I have relished watching her achieve each of them in her own time.

I also just cherish watching her grow - in no other year of life will your child change and grow so much!

It's a beautiful thing to watch your child come into their own, develop their personality, and dream about what all is in store for them!

So, my little Lauren Leann - thank you for a fun and memorable first year.  We will continue to watch you grow and cherish your sweet personality.  We will be your biggest cheerleaders, celebrating every milestone and accomplishment along the way!  And, we'll continue to pray that you will grow to love Jesus and do everything in the spirit of joy, love and grace that only comes from knowing Him.  We love you!!

Routinely Grateful

"It's time for jammies!" I call out to the kids.  We start this process at 7:45 so we hopefully have time to get the kids in bed by 8:30.  We have this down to a good routine....it's almost a science at our home, really.  Routines are good for kids.  It's jammies first, followed by a bedtime treat, followed by bathroom, followed by teeth-brushin', followed by drinks of water, followed by stories.  Then we get them into bed.  And this is just about my most favorite 5-10 minutes of any given day - these few precious minutes we spend together as we're tucking them in.

This little chunk of time isn't quite as structured as the minutes leading up to the tuck-in, but, it always consists of some conversation about the day, singing a couple of songs, saying a prayer and sharing some loves and kisses.  I can't remember when or how exactly we started the gratefulness discussions each night - there was just one night where I just asked the kids what they were grateful for, and anything especially from that day that they were thankful for.  And...this has just really stuck - the kids really open up and share, and sometimes really amaze me with the things they say they're thankful for.  Of course there are the nights where we're thankful for bunk beds....but that's okay.  Bunk beds are fun....I always wanted bunk beds as a kid.  Unfortunately for me that dream never came to pass - the closest I got was spending the night at the Sullins' home and getting to sleep in theirs.  :)

Last night, I knelt down beside Gabe's bed, and his sweet little 3-year old voice asked me "Mommy what are you thankful for today?"  Insert Mommy heart-melty moment right here.  My goal with talking about gratefulness as often as we do is to just be able to cultivate grateful and generous hearts in my children, for them to be grateful for every little thing, every day.  It just did my heart so much good for Gabe to ask me about it last night.  At this point, it may still just be chalked up to the fact that it's part of our little routine.  Or, one might call it a habit.  My hope and prayer is that yes it will always be routine for them to be grateful...but that it will feel to them like anything but "just a habit."  The world is a beautiful place when viewed through grateful eyes. 

Father God - Please help me to always be grateful, and for that grateful spirit to invade all my thoughts so I will be generous and live my life as if there is plenty to share.  Let this lead to freely giving of my time and resources where they're needed.  And please, let this spirit and (hopefully) example cultivate grateful hearts in my children.  Help us all to be grateful.  Amen. 

Meesh

Michelle.  My first sister.  I've loved her from the very beginning.  Well, or for sure since the moment immediately following the huge bite on the arm that I gave her when mom and dad brought her home from the hospital.  When my mom proceeded to bite me back on the arm....well...that got the message through that Meesh was indeed there to stay, and that she was something oh-so important to us (well those things, and that biting is something to not do).  I started accepting and loving her right then.  ;)

We had a great childhood...I mean a great childhood.  Megan came along a couple years later, and I don't know how my parents did it, but we grew up so tightly-knit.  My sisters were my best friends....are my best friends.  I have so many fond memories from childhood...our rockin' 80s childhood (complete with biker shorts, jelly shoes, leg warmers, Michael Jackson and the like).  We just had hours of play...of time at home.  Things were so....just....less busy.  We played outside for hours - I remember Meesh made up this game called "The Panda Bear Game" and it was complete nonsense, but we played it all the time (it had elements of follow the leader and also this weird stage that involved sitting Indian-style and picking grass).  I wonder if she, 1) remembers the rules, and 2) has taught it to any of her kiddos? 

Our childhood was playing with dolls, and playing house....Barbies, Rainbow Brite and Care Bears.

It was hours and hours of playing records on our stereo in the living room - Michael Jackson, the Bangles, Neil Diamond - and dancing in our leg-warmers.  It was Nintendo...and movies...but goodness never MTV (except for the times we flipped to that channel when mom was outside working or something).

I'm so thankful for the way we grew up, the bonds that were formed, and what it meant to be that close with your family....to have them as this amazing support through anything life has thrown at us (and there have been some times we've needed it).  I'm thankful to know an overwhelming love for them.  Thankful to still be that close with them.  Anyone who has a sister will probably support the statement that it is just such a unique relationship....but mine with my sisters just especially is.

Meesh, Megs and I shared a lot growing up.  Our first home was a small house.  One bathroom.  One bedroom for the three of us - and Meesh and I even had to share a full-size bed for a while.  I remember Meesh and I would spend hours giggling in bed, tracing letters and messages on each others' backs and seeing if the other could guess what we were trying to write....using our Girl Scout-taught sign language alphabet to sign our answers to each other, so mom and dad wouldn't hear us talking instead of going to sleep.  Later in life, once we moved to the house mom and dad live in now, we turned this in to sneaking out of our basement bedrooms in the middle of the night to watch movies.  But even as we got older, and had our separate rooms, the sharing continued.  Poor Meesh even had to share all of her high school years with one of us...the first two years with me, and the last two with Megs.  ;)  But I just firmly believe it was all this sharing that has really played such a huge role in shaping our relationship, and making it as strong as it is.  We shared so much, and we still do.  Meesh is and always will be among the first people I call for any kind of news.  My friends are hers, and hers are mine.  The very bottom line is....I wouldn't trade one moment of any of this, because it's made us who we are as sisters, as our family.....and as individuals.





Meesh has some of those classic "middle child" traits - the peacekeeper, the mediator between the siblings...the one that feels they maybe have tended to fly under the attention radar - or the one that's always being compared to the other siblings.  She has always jokingly referred to herself though, as the best part of the Oreo or the peanut butter sandwich.  There are so many things about her that do make her the best.

Meesh, while I love you for who you are to me and to our family, and all the memories and GOOD TIMES we share, just as much as all that, I love you for you.  I have always appreciated your talents, and your gifts.  You are beautiful.  You play a mean left-center, girl - all the guys whose balls you have snagged (that sounds really bad) can attest to that.  I loved just waiting for them to try and burn you, only to watch you run down the ball and make an amazing catch, or burn them at third when they tried to stretch their base-running by one more base.  You've always been musically talented, and I think you're such a great dancer.  I wish I had the ability to let loose like you do...I've always been envious of that.  ;)  And, I so admire what you've done in the past couple of years with your running....two half marathons is amazing!

I love the Aunt that you are to Tessaira, Gabriel and Lauren.....oh how they love their Aunt Michelle.



Another of my favorite of your gifts, is your work with children - my own children, yes.  But more-so the children whose lives you touch every day.  You are gifted in this area, Meesh....gifted.  The passion you have for working with them......way you communicate with them, the way you meet them on their level, the way they obviously love you and will do the things you need them to.....those gifts are God-given.  I think it's rare when you see someone who is truly utilizing the full extent of their God-given talents, but I think you are.  :)

And mostly, I think you have such a servant heart - you are an amazing friend to so many people.  You have always been free of judgment.  You love and trust so freely.  These are all beautiful, beautiful things.

We all have a lot to celebrate about you, Meesh; and, we are so thankful for you.  These are just my "celebrations" and "thankful fors" about you - and I hope you realize how much I mean them.  Much love today on your birthday...and always.