Problem-solving 101

Sheesh.  Do I have a lot of problems.  :)  No that's a statement, not a question - I already know the answer. 

I try hard.  Man, do I try hard.  But I still fail miserably.  And, the kind of failure I'm talking about has to do with "walking the walk" of my faith.  I want all of these beautiful things for my family, my marriage....I want people to see God's love when they see me...when they see my kids.  But how does that ol' saying go....something about the spirit being willing..........but.......................

My flesh is WEAK.  It becomes painfully obvious when you have children - you want so much for them and from them.  You set the expectational bar so high.  It's so easy to notice and correct the flaws in others...not so easy to recognize them in yourself.  Or maybe it's actually easy to spot them....it's just that we have to take the time to step back and look.  When I'm in the middle of raising my voice at Gabriel to please be patient about something (thus exhibiting a beautiful display of my own impatience) I wouldn't even have to step that far back.  

Starting now, I'm stepping back and taking a good look.  But more than that....after I look, I need to correct.  Or let's start by saying "try or strive to correct."  I doubt.  I worry.  I'm impatient.  I raise my voice far too often to my children.  I am...what is the opposite of gentle.....whatever it is, I'm it.  I'm vain.  Or, I don't know if vain is the right term....but I'm whatever it is when you think your ideas are good ones and leave little room for others' thoughts...controlling maybe?  I'm all about my own thoughts and plans for my family and leave little room for asking God what HIS plans are for us.  I can be judgmental.  I spend too much time taking care of the stuff of life (which does have to be taken care of, don't get me wrong) and not enough time seeking Him out....which leads me to the point.

All of these realizations....these problems.....they can only be corrected in two steps (two steps that must be done together).  And those are: one, pray about what God would have for my life and my family, and two, to spend a considerably larger portion of my time reading the instruction manual that has been laid out for how we go about fixing these problems....and that is the Bible.

I've gone through phases of my life where I was in the Bible a lot....or reading books based on Biblical teaching....times where I felt close to God and in tune with the where/how/and why of my life's direction.  But to be perfectly honest, I'm much more in tune now with picking up children, folding laundry while I watch TV shows, or juggling the other dozens of tasks any working parent does on a daily basis.

I don't yet have a plan for exactly how and when I will incorporate more of both of these things.  But I do know that it will involve taking a moment, putting down all the items that I'm juggling, picking up the prayer time "ball", and the Bible time "ball" and then gradually adding all the others back in to the flow.  They just have to be sought for first, and have everything else then worked in.  Unless you prioritize them, they are way too easily moved to the back burner...the burner that doesn't often enough get used. 

I started at lunch today - I simply did a search for "women's online devotional" and came across the following:

http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/encouragement/

It always amazes me....just the sheer billiance of His timing.....when I'm consciously paying attention and trying to more willingly seek Him out.  This devotional nicely covers the majority of the things that I seek to change...the majority of the things that I want to be as a Godly woman.  And this little gem just happened to be the daily devotional for today, and I just happened to finally decide to "get with it" with these notions today....and isn't it just amazing how that all timed out?  Yeah, it's not a coincidence  :)  Here is an excerpt:

His Word tells me exactly how He wants me to respond with my speech. My words should be:

Edifying:
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)

Gentle:
"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)

Self-controlled:
"A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." Proverbs 29:11 (NIV 1984)

Compassionate:
"Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you." Ephesians 4:32 (NLT)

This can so hard to do on our own! Yet God enables us to walk in obedience to these scriptures through the power of His Holy Spirit. He will mold us and make us more like Him. And on those days when we feel as if there is no way we can speak kindly to others, let's remember His Word says we can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us (Phil. 4:13).

When we quiet our hearts. When we open His Word instead of just opening our mouths. When we approach Him with a heart of surrender. When we choose to submit to His ways instead of our own ....

That is when God will do His work and help us tame our tongue. And the next time we find ourselves asking, "Did I really just say that?" I'm praying it will be because we responded with patience, kindness and gentleness that is evidence of His work in us.

Almighty God....you created me...you know my actions....and you see my thoughts and intentions.  You know that I love you.  You know I wish that I could live in a way that would make the entire world fall in love with you.  You also know that I am not able to accomplish this, especially not with the amount of time I have been putting in to prayer and reading recently.  Over the next days and months, I pray that you would direct my thoughts to you, put people in my path who will remind me of what I seek to do, please encourage others to pray for me in these endeavors, and help me just draw close to You.  I have not been, but seek to be a patient, gentle, servant-hearted example of Your love - let these goals be constantly in my mind and heart so I can step toward them each day.  It is only by the sacrifice of Jesus that I can even be forgiven and start over, and I am so, SO thankful for that.  I pray these things in Jesus's name.  Amen. 

Lauren at a Year!

Whew - time she is a flyin'!  How is our little Lauren already over one year old?!  I was going to be super mom, and have this sweet and meaningful blog entry written to post on Lo's first birthday in honor of the occasion - yeah that did not happen.  At that point of my life, I was up to my armpits in children's clothing, suitcases, and sunblock as we packed for our Branson vacation - a trip well worth any packing efforts! 

I think it's a pretty standard feeling that time speeds up as you get older, and maybe also just as standardly recognized, that then once you have children, said speed increases exponentially.  It really doesn't seem like all that long ago when I first realized I was pregnant with Lauren (although now, it's been a year and 9 months).  I recall being downstairs - it was later in the evening and Gabe was in bed.  Shawn and I were playing on our computers - and I suddenly had a serious urge to make some fried potatoes.  So, I did - I marched upstairs and sliced up some potatoes and then proceeded to eat the entire batch that I made.  As I was back downstairs, munching away....it hit me.  "Oh my gosh....I'm pregnant."  Never in my life (except maybe when I was pregnant with Gabe) have I done something like fry up a skillet of potatoes and proceed to eat the entire thing.  I took a test soon after....and it was confirmed - our second child was on the way!

I remember the swirling thoughts....."but, no....no I can't be pregnant - I have not lost all the weight and gotten in the shape I wanted to be in before getting pregnant again,"....."no...no I can't be yet...we haven't moved to a bigger house so we can have a room for each kid...how are we going to fit everyone...and oh my gosh, daycare...I wanted to be in a better position financially before our next child...." and on and on.  But as it goes....my best-laid plans and thoughts and intentions were set aside as we instead (and once again) followed God's path for us, and submitted to His perfect timing for our lives...Lauren was coming...and she'd be here in 9 months. 

As the pregnancy progressed, my worries about the timing were quickly brushed aside.  We heard her tiny little hearbeat.....got our first glimpse at her sweet little profile...and once again wondered at the sheer miracle that it is to grow a new life.

I also gave serious thanks that my pregnancy with Lauren was night-and-day different than that with Gabriel - this was one smooth, and illness-free pregnancy!  I guess it was a preview of what was to come, a bit of foreshadowing if you will, because Lauren's first year was also one of smooth sailing.

She was "due" to arrive on May 25th.  I had my last appointment with Denise, my midwife, on May 24th, and that was enough to start the ball rolling.  I did drive to work after that appointment, but had to leave by Noon when the contractions were about five minutes apart.  Lauren graced us with her presence at 5:49 that evening.  Being the seasoned parents that we were (insert winky face here) .... that might have played a part in just how we perceived everything about Lauren's arrival.  With Gabriel I felt clueless...anxious...okay, really borderline terrified.  But with Lauren we knew more of what to expect, and everything just seemed easier.  It's hard to say how much of that was Lauren just actually being easier...and how much of it may have been our perception.  There was very little crying - hardly a peep when she had to get her heel pricked for bloodwork in the hospital.  Lauren slept longer chunks of time from the very beginning, and was happier in between the times of sleep as well.  She was a sweet and happy baby from the very beginning.

I remember just being ready to be home....ready to be a family.  We've never been shy to just jump right in there and carry on with our normal, daily lives and just include the babies in what we do.  We went to church that first Sunday, just five days after Lo was born.  The next day, Monday, we traveled to Wichita to visit family and friends with her, and she's always been just a little trooper.  I always said that it was such a fun time to be on maternity leave with her because Tessaira was home for the summer, and the kids and I had a couple of months full of outings to the new Discovery Center in Topeka, the Zoo, the pool, and so on.  We made the absolute most of that time together!!  Here she is at the Zoo with Daddy, playing at the Discovery Center with T, and hangin' at home with big brother, Gabe.  :)



Lauren's always been in the upper percentiles for her size, both height and weight.  And, I don't know if it's because of the size, or what exactly, but she has always been so strong!  She rolled over (from tummy to back) before she was even one full month old!

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I remember going to her one-month appointment, and telling the story of how Lauren had already rolled over to Dr. Pridgett - she said we were in trouble and agreed she was so strong (as she struggled to straighten her leg to check her hip flexibility).  Lauren's always reached those physical milestones (holding her head up, crawling, pulling up, and even walking) all a bit on the early side.  We had to start chasing after her at about 10 1/2 months old when she really began toddling around.  The first year is just chock-full of those milestones - different for each child ..... and I have relished watching her achieve each of them in her own time.

I also just cherish watching her grow - in no other year of life will your child change and grow so much!

It's a beautiful thing to watch your child come into their own, develop their personality, and dream about what all is in store for them!

So, my little Lauren Leann - thank you for a fun and memorable first year.  We will continue to watch you grow and cherish your sweet personality.  We will be your biggest cheerleaders, celebrating every milestone and accomplishment along the way!  And, we'll continue to pray that you will grow to love Jesus and do everything in the spirit of joy, love and grace that only comes from knowing Him.  We love you!!